Southern Belles
This is for Southern Belles,
Ladies who should have been Southern Belles, and
those who would be Southern Belles IF they knew
the rules.
Someone once noted that a
Southerner can get away with the most awful kind
of insult just as long as it's prefaced with the
words, "Bless her heart" or "Bless his
heart."
As in, "Bless his heart,
if they put his brain on the head of a pin, it'd
roll around like a BB on a six lane
highway."
"Bless her heart, she's
so buck- toothed, she could eat an apple through
a picket fence."
There are also the
sneakier ones: "You know, it's amazing that even
though she had that baby 7 months after they
were married, bless her heart, it weighed 10
pounds."
As long as the heart is
sufficiently blessed, the insult can't be all
that bad.
I was thinking about this
the other day when a friend was telling about
her new transplanted Northern friend who was
upset because her toddler is just beginning to
talk and he has a Southern accent. My friend,
who is very kind and, bless her heart, cannot do
a thing about those thighs of hers, was
justifiably miffed about this. After all, this
woman had CHOSEN to move to the South a couple
of years ago. "Can you believe it?" said her
friend. "A child of mine is going to be
"taaaallllkkin liiiike
thiiiissss."
Now, don't get me wrong.
Some of my dearest friends are from the north,
bless their hearts. I welcome their perspective,
their friendships and their recipes for
authentic Northern Italian food. I've even
gotten past their endless complaints that you
can't find good bread down here. And the
heathens, bless their hearts, don't like
cornbread!
And I've caught myself
thinking twice before saying something is "right
much," "right close," or "right good" because
non-natives think this is right funny indeed. I
have a friend from Bawston who thinks it's
hilarious when I say I've got to "carry" my
daughter to the doctor or "cut off" the light.
She also gets a giggle every time I am "fixin'"
to do something. And, bless their hearts, they
don't even know where "over yonder" is or what
"I reckon" means!
My personal favorite was
my aunt, saying, "Bless her heart, she can't
help being ugly, but she
could've stayed home." {This is one of
my all-time favorites.}
Southern girls know bad
manners when they see them: Drinking straight
out of a can. Not sending thank you
notes. Velvet after February. White shoes
before Easter or after Labor Day.
Southern girls appreciate
their natural assets: Dewy skin. A winning
smile. That unforgettable, Southern
drawl.
Southern girls know their
manners: "Yes, ma'am." "Yes, sir."
Southern girls have a
distinct way with fond expressions: "Y'all
come back! now ya heaah," "Well, bless your
heart." "Drop by when you can." "How's
your mother?" "Love your hair." "Well,
shut my mouth."
Southern girls don't
sweat.... they glisten.
Southern girls know their
summer weather
report: Humidity Humidity Humidity
Southern girls know their
three R's!: Rich Richer Richest
Southern girls know their
vacation spots: The Beach The Beach The
Beach
Southern girls know the
joys of June, July, and
August: Swimmin Summer tans Wide
brimmed hats Mint juleps Just Lollygaggin
around
Southern girls know
everybody's first
name: Honey Darlin' Sugah
Southern girls know the
movies that speak to their hearts: "Gone With
the Wind" "Fried Green Tomatoes" "Driving
Miss Daisy" "Steel Magnolias"
Southern girls know their
country breakfasts: Red-eye gravy, thicknin
white gravy, or (wiennie gravy for the
die-hards.
) GRITS-GRITS-GRITS, Mouth-watering
homemade buttered biscuits with Cantalope, Honey
Dew Melons, and streak 'o' lean.
Southern girls know their
cities dripping with Southern charm: Hotlanta
or Adlanna =(Atlanta as outsiders
say) Richmon Charleston S'vannah Birminham Nawlins' OH!
That city in Alabama? It's pronounced
MUNTGUMRY!
Southern girls know their
elegant gentlemen: Men in uniform. Men in
tuxedos. Rhett Butler, of course.
Y'all know Southern girls
are quick on the drawl.
Southern girls know their
prime real estate: The Mall The Beauty
Salon The Ranch with the longest stretch of
river bottom
Southern girls know the
three deadly sins: Bad hair Bad
manners Bad blind dates
Southern girls know men
may come and go, but friends are
fo'evah!
G.R.I.T.S. = Girls Raised
in The South!
Now you run along, Sugah,
and send this to someone else Raised In The
South, i.e., Southern Belles, or ANY females
aspiring to be GRITS. Even the northern ones,
"Bless Their Hearts". P.S. I personally know
some Northern Wimmin who'd make "MIGHTY FINE"
Southern Belles if they weren't so deeply rooted
by their northern circumstances, " BLESS THEIR
HEARTS!
I haven't clue as to who wrote
the above. It was sent to me a long time ago in
an email message. I have seen it all over the
internet with no indication as to the name of
the author. I will leave it as a part of the
zip and you can remove it if you don't want to
use it.
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