Southern Belles 

This is for Southern Belles, Ladies who should have been Southern Belles, and those who would be Southern Belles IF they knew the rules. 

Someone once noted that a Southerner can get away with the most awful kind of insult just as long as it's prefaced with the words, "Bless her heart" or "Bless his heart." 

As in, "Bless his heart, if they put his brain on the head of a pin, it'd roll around like a BB on a six lane highway." 

"Bless her heart, she's so buck- toothed, she could eat an apple through a picket fence." 

There are also the sneakier ones: "You know, it's amazing that even though she had that baby 7 months after they were married, bless her heart, it weighed 10 pounds." 

As long as the heart is sufficiently blessed, the insult can't be all that bad. 

I was thinking about this the other day when a friend was telling about her new transplanted Northern friend who was upset because her toddler is just beginning to talk and he has a Southern accent. My friend, who is very kind and, bless her heart, cannot do a thing about those thighs of hers, was justifiably miffed about this. After all, this woman had CHOSEN to move to the South a couple of years ago. "Can you believe it?" said her friend. "A child of mine is going to be "taaaallllkkin liiiike thiiiissss." 

Now, don't get me wrong. Some of my dearest friends are from the north, bless their hearts. I welcome their perspective, their friendships and their recipes for authentic Northern Italian food. I've even gotten past their endless complaints that you can't find good bread down here. And the heathens, bless their hearts, don't like cornbread! 

And I've caught myself thinking twice before saying something is "right much," "right close," or "right good" because non-natives think this is right funny indeed. I have a friend from Bawston who thinks it's hilarious when I say I've got to "carry" my daughter to the doctor or "cut off" the light. She also gets a giggle every time I am "fixin'" to do something. And, bless their hearts, they don't even know where "over yonder" is or what "I reckon" means! 

My personal favorite was my aunt, saying, "Bless her heart, she can't help being ugly, but she could've 
stayed home." {This is one of my all-time favorites.} 

Southern girls know bad manners when they see them:
Drinking straight out of a can.
Not sending thank you notes.
Velvet after February.
White shoes before Easter or after Labor Day. 

Southern girls appreciate their natural assets:
Dewy skin.
A winning smile.
That unforgettable, Southern drawl.

Southern girls know their manners:
"Yes, ma'am."
"Yes, sir."

Southern girls have a distinct way with fond expressions:
"Y'all come back! now ya heaah,"
"Well, bless your heart."
"Drop by when you can."
"How's your mother?"
"Love your hair."
"Well, shut my mouth."

Southern girls don't sweat.... they glisten. 

Southern girls know their summer weather report:

Southern girls know their three R's!:

Southern girls know their vacation spots:
The Beach
The Beach
The Beach

Southern girls know the joys of June, July, and August:
Summer tans
Wide brimmed hats
Mint juleps
Just Lollygaggin around

Southern girls know everybody's first name:

Southern girls know the movies that speak to their hearts:
"Gone With the Wind"
"Fried Green Tomatoes"
"Driving Miss Daisy"
"Steel Magnolias"

Southern girls know their country breakfasts:
Red-eye gravy, thicknin white gravy, or (wiennie gravy for the die-hards. )
Mouth-watering homemade buttered biscuits with Cantalope, Honey Dew Melons, and streak 'o' lean. 

Southern girls know their cities dripping with Southern charm:
Hotlanta or Adlanna =(Atlanta as outsiders say)
OH! That city in Alabama? It's pronounced MUNTGUMRY! 

Southern girls know their elegant gentlemen:
Men in uniform.
Men in tuxedos.
Rhett Butler, of course.

Y'all know Southern girls are quick on the drawl. 

Southern girls know their prime real estate:
The Mall
The Beauty Salon
The Ranch with the longest stretch of river bottom 

Southern girls know the three deadly sins:
Bad hair
Bad manners
Bad blind dates

Southern girls know men may come and go, but friends are fo'evah! 

G.R.I.T.S. = Girls Raised in The South! 

Now you run along, Sugah, and send this to someone else Raised In The South, i.e., Southern Belles, or ANY females aspiring to be GRITS. Even the northern ones, "Bless Their Hearts".
P.S. I personally know some Northern Wimmin who'd make "MIGHTY FINE" Southern Belles if they weren't so deeply rooted by their northern circumstances, " BLESS THEIR HEARTS!

I haven't clue as to who wrote the above. It was sent to me a long time ago in an email message. I have seen it all over the internet with no indication as to the name of the author.
I will leave it as a part of the zip and you can remove it if you don't want to use it.