Nobody knows. Many people feel that grits are made from ground up bits
of white corn. This is obviously a lie. Nothing as good as a Grit can be
made from corn. The most recent research suggests that the mysterious
Manna that God rained down upon the Israelites during their time in the
Sinai Desert, was most likely Grits. Critics disagree, stating that
there is no record of butter, salt or cheese raining down from the sky
and that God would not punish his people by forcing them to eat Grits
without these key ingredients. Much research is being done on this
subject.
How
Grits are Formed.
Grits are formed deep underground under intense heat and pressure. It
takes over 1000 years to form a single Grit. Most of the world's grit
mines are in Southern Georgia and are guarded day and night by armed
guards and fierce attack dogs. Harvesting the Grit is a dangerous
occupation and many Grit miners lose their lives each year so that Grits
can continue to be served morning after morning for breakfast (not that
having Grits for lunch and dinner is out of the question.) Yankees have
attempted to create a synthetic Grit. They call them Cream of Wheat. As
far as we can tell the key ingredients of Cream of Wheat are Elmer's
Glue and Styrofoam. These synthetic grits have also been shown to cause
nausea and may leave you unable to have children.
As we mentioned earlier, the first known mention of the Grit was by the
Ancient Israelites in the Sinai Desert. After that, the Grit was not
heard from for another 1000 years. Experts feel that the Grit was used
during this time only during secret religious ceremonies and was kept
from the public due to it's rarity. The next mention of the Grit was
found amidst the ruins of the ancient city of Pompeii in a woman's
personal diary. The woman's name was Herculaneum Jemimaneus (Aunt Jemima
to her friends.)
The
10 Commandments of Grits| I. II. III. IV. V. VI. VII. VIII. IX. X. |
Thou shalt not put syrup on thy
Grits Thou shalt not eat thy Grits with a spoon Thou shalt not eat Cream of Wheat and call it Grits for this is blasphemy Thou shalt not covet thy neighbors Grits Thou shalt only use Salt, Butter and Cheese as toppings for thy Grits Thou shalt not eat Instant Grits Thou shalt not put syrup on thy Grits Thou shalt not put syrup on thy Grits Thou shalt not put syrup on thy Grits Thou shalt not put sugar on thy Grits either |
For one serving of Grits:
Boil 1.5 cups of water with salt and a little butter. Add 5 Tbsp of
Grits. Reduce to a simmer and allow the Grits to soak up all the water.
That's all there is to cooking grits, now, on to How to eat Grits
Immediately after removing your grits from the stove top, add a generous
portion of butter or margarine. (WARNING: Do NOT use low-fat butter or
margarine.) The butter should cause the Grits to turn a wondrous shade
of yellow. Hold a banana or a yellow rain slicker next to your Grits, if
the colors match, you have the correct amount of butter. Next, add your
salt. (NOTICE: The correct ration of Grit to Salt is 10:1) Therefore for
every 10 grits, you should have 1 grain of salt.
See Diagram.
Cheese is optional, however if you wish to add cheese, cut it into 1/4"
squares and add immediately before you eat your Grits. You do not want
your cheese to melt completely. Now begin eating your grits, you should
always use a fork, never a spoon, to eat Grits. Your grits should be
thick enough that they do not run through the tines of the fork. The
correct beverage to serve with Grits is Milk or Chocolate Milk (WARNING:
Use whole milk only - DO NOT use 2% or, God forbid, Skim Milk.) Your
grits should always be eaten in a bowl, never use a plate to eat Grits.
Ways to eat leftover Grits
If you happen to have any leftover grits, spread them into the bottom of
a casserole dish, cover and place them in the refrigerator overnight.
The Grits will congeal into a gelatinous mass. The next morning, slice
the Grits into squares and fry them in 1/2" of cooking oil until they
turn a golden brown. Many people are tempted to pour syrup onto Grits
served this way, this is, of course, unacceptable.
Mike Hernandez